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Wednesday, February 20, 2013


Gabe Bondoc - Adorn by Miguel (Acoustic Cover)

I'm alone and on my own majority of the time. I've become such a hermit this past year and I am completely fine with that. After all, I am very much introverted. Most days, I actually prefer to be by myself and work by myself. Not sure why. But don't mistake my "being alone" with "feeling lonely," because honestly, I can't really say I've ever truly felt the emptiness and deep sadness that loneliness brings...until Fall of last year.

I remember the night like it was yesterday. I was driving home from an event that I felt so proud of. It was late, dark and drizzling, the roads were empty...and my proud and happy moment soon turned into a depressing drive home with tears running down my face. I walked into my house and entered my room, closed the door, sat on my chair and just...pondered about my life.

2008-2011 were such rough years for me – emotionally, mentally, spiritually...my spirit was being thrown all over the place. I was determined to spend 2012 putting myself back together, to fall back in love with my life again. And surprisingly, I did. I felt triumphant...until that one night. As I sat in that chair, I realized how much had changed and how much I had accomplished. There were so many pivotal life-changing moments, both good and bad, that I experienced within that year. And as I sat there, in silence, with tears in my eyes, it soon hit me why those tears were even there to begin with: I didn't have anyone to share this with.

If there is one thing I miss most and desire most from being in a relationship, it's being able to share your life with someone. Sure, I know once I meet someone new one day, I could easily just share all my stories with him, but...it's not the same. It's not the same as actually going through these important moments when it's actually happening, to be there for one another through your accomplishments and your failures, to see each other grow...to help each other grow. I see my friends with their significant others, how proud they are when they make progress with their goals, how they're there to comfort each other when the other one's weak, how they motivate each other to live fulfilling lives...I have yet to experience that. I want to know how it feels to have the person you're with be proud of you...proud to be with you. I want that.

I have no doubt in what God has planned for me. I trust Him completely and still am content in waiting patiently for whoever He brings into my life. And of all the areas in my life I could question Him, this particular area I leave solely to His judgment and timing. And through this, it is made even clearer to me now, exactly why God made a partner for man, why we always long for someone to love. Because...what is life if you have no partner to share it with? He knew that. And He has created someone special for each and every one of us because of that. (Genesis 2:19-23)

So for the time being, I guess I'll just...proceed. Continue to follow where this path leads me. Pursue my dreams. Try my best to instill goodness into this world.

And then one day...our paths will cross.

And I'll be as creepishly happy as Gabe Bondoc in this video.

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